i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
