I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize