I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's the barista slut.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
