I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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