I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
