since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
