Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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