Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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