K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
