Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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