Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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