It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
