If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
