Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
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all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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