I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
