I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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