Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
