Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
