we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
