Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
