Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
