So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
