Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
