no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize