So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
