my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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