i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
