I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
