he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I die, sorry about rent.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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