Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
