he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
