my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
