He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
