I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need to sanitize my soul.
we're so committed to being not committed
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
