After last night, I could never be a politician.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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