I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
