none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
