can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
