anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
