he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
P.S. I can't hear my feet
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
