remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
