help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
