your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
