tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
birth control should be required to get into college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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