I need to stop coming to work sober
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
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