For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
