i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
