Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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