I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
