my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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