I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
