I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
