You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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