I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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