I hate your face
i think my tv is drunk
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize