I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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