how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
