True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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