i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
