Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
