people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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